Expectations

Expectation is a funny word as it can mean many things. A lot of us associate it with success and how success is expected not something you could consider. Many of us understand 'expectation' when it's a well worn path such as the big 3 things in life; job, marriage and kids. However, what I find interesting is when people feel the weight of 'expectation' over things we could consider trivial.

Let me give you a few examples. I recently met a guy who told me one of his biggest fears was returning to his home country and not leaving with an Australian accent as his family expected him to be able to 'speak like a local.'  Another person told me she had to find a better looking boyfriend because her family had told her the last one was too ugly. I, myself have felt this trivial expectation a number of years ago when I thought I had to have a girlfriend before the next time I saw a certain relative.

Ultimately, it's quite obvious that there's a common theme here; family. It makes sense that family and expectations are highly correlated due to the importance they play in your life but how does that explain the 'expectation' over trivial things and furthermore, is it justified as rational?

The easy assumption is to always say people are irrational and therefore anything random, strange or completely nonsensical is understandable. Whilst I agree that this is a valid point, I disagree with it being irrational. My reasons might be selfish but I don't like it when there's an issue and there's nothing I can do about it. As such, I argue that people are behaving rationally but it may seem weird as it is not from a position of strength. Instead I might argue that it is from a position of fear.

Everyone has fears but I say that the fear of letting down someone we really care about has to be one of the biggest. Thus, when those closest to us make comments or undertake actions which negatively influence us, we equate this to 'failure.' As such, we feel a rational need to fix this problem; often at all costs. However, in our pursuit of fixing the problem, if there is no easy fix, we begin to cloud the lines of rational and irrational.

Funnily, it is this rationale that keeps the process behind it rational despite the irrational actions. So what can you do about it? Let's go back to our earlier examples.

Speaking Like A Local

Everyone likes value for money. Often when you go to study in a foreign place, there is a large sum of money that is paid. As such, you may feel this trivial expectation to maximise the 'education' you are receiving. In order to not disappoint, I can completely understand the need to 'master' skills which you are perceived as having access to such as learning to 'speak like a local.'

In most cases, this has a lot more to do with you than it does with the person you are wanting to impress. As such, I encourage you to find the real reasons behind this motivation. If it is truly fear of disappointment, then I think you may be missing the point of why you and indirectly your family want you to achieve it.

If however, its a non negotiable, I find that more often than not, these little expectations are quite achievable if you go about them the right way. Get out of your comfort zone and realise that learning from failures are some of the best life lessons you will receive. Take it slow and try to do go for the unrealistic options. You really shouldn't be buying a lottery ticket to pay off a $200,000 debt. Yet for some reason this is the way we often handle the trivial expectations.

Finding the Right Kind of Partner

Human nature or maybe animal instinct in this case is essentially to reproduce. Now couple this with an insatiable desire for infinite wants and its completely understandable for wanting to improve your bloodlines future. As such, careful consideration must be given to the other player in the equation; your partner.

This makes it understandable why your family will often make you feel inadequate when it comes to relationships. Once again, if your decisions are made as a result of fear you are probably likely to be choosing someone who isn't right for you. Instead of reacting to, you must try to act from a position of strength. As is a common theme in my posts, this position of strength comes from asking the right questions and analysing the situation accordingly. In this case, you must find out what matters most to you in life and then find out the motivations of the person that is causing the weight of expectation to descend upon you. You may realise that the person always encouraging you is a completely materialistic person and therefore actually offers no real value to you. Harsh but true, but just because someone is family, it doesn't necessarily mean they have valid things to say.

Expectations are and will always be a funny word to deal with. Some of them will be easy to deal with whilst others despite their small stature, will eat and eat away at us until we reach a cross roads and we rationally do something irrational. Just remember that, whilst family will pick you up when you do the irrational, there's really no excuse for you if constantly allow them to lead you to the irrational.

#Hanbaobao

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What is Happiness Worth?

As I stood enjoying the showmanship of Dave Grohl and the Foo Fighters, a thought kept popping back into my head; if money could buy happiness, this would be it. Sure this moment would pass and it did, but for those 2.5 hours, I was truly happy and I would gladly pay the ticket price again and again.

 In reflection of this amazing concert, two things struck me as interesting:

1. Dave's comments that he believed that Adelaide still had a rock and roll music scene;

2. The subsequent comments from AJ Maddah and random fans.

For those that don't know, AJ Maddah is the lead promoter for the Soundwave music festival. AJ Maddah has indicated that Soundwave may not be returning to Adelaide in 2016 due to poor ticket sales. As such, this essentially leaves Adeladie with two 'music' festivals; Stereosonic and Future Music Festival (Woopty doo *Sarcasm intended*). 

Which brings me to the point of this post; the question of whether you can put a 'price on happiness?' Or more specifically 'At what point do you stop paying for happiness?'

It would be unfair to make this assessment without a few assumptions. As such, one of my main assumptions is that people do not behave rationally - why else would we pay hundreds of dollars to see someone scream and play a guitar (the foo fighters are not exempt from this). However, I am of the belief that there is a tipping point; the point where the irrational becomes rational. That is why no matter what your beliefs, backgrounds, personal tastes and so on are, you may initially be 'irrational' compared to another but at some point everyone reaches the same rational position (as all money is finite).

Personally, I don't get a lot out of metal and punk (the majority of the Soundwave 2015 lineup). To me the majority of metal and punk is not about happiness but is instead about providing an outlet for frustrations and built up emotions. This outlet is definitely required for 'sanity' reasons so this then poses the question; why are people being so rational when it comes to purchasing (or not purchasing) Soundwave tickets?

Let's contrast this with the Soundwaves of 2011 and 2013 where 'mainstream' bands such as Queens of the Stone Age and 30 Seconds to Mars (2011) and Blink 182 and Linkin Park (2013) were in attendance. I would go so far as to say that unlike the recent headlining bands, these guys appeal to a wider range of people chasing 'irrational happiness.' As such, if you have a diminishing 'irrational happy pool' surely the number ticket sales would exponentially decrease when you consider rising ticket prices (economics 101).

This is also why I'm not surprised to hear that the festivals that are no longer providing 'widespread irrational happiness' are failing (see Big Day Out who tried to mash the molly enthusiasts with the hardcore rock n rollas and resulted in sending both groups home unhappy).

Even this guy can be happy

It might be an optimists view (money NOT being able to buy happiness is the pessimist's view) but I think everyone generally wants to be happy (even Voldemort is chasing his own version of 'irrational happiness'). As such, when promoters chase profits they can sometimes be blindsided about what truly sells an event; the provision of irrational happiness.

Let's now take this to a wider audience and consider sports by comparing horse racing and cricket. Two things are obvious here. Attendees of horse racing are not there for the actual races. It is the promise of fun and happiness (with winning money on a race being a side bonus) that ultimately sells the event. On the flip side, unless you are one of the privileged few that is able to hang out in the members area and get trashed off many a beer, chances are you won't be attending the cricket unless you are a fanatic (very much a niche market these days - Australia playing is the exception). It's extremely obvious which one is providing the 'irrational happiness' and which one provides the rational.

Let's also consider two of the best paid sports in the world; European Soccer and American Baseball. The salaries on offer here are astronomical compared to other sports around the world; to the point that people love to critique the wages paid, whenever there is even the slightest slip up from any sportsman. Ultimately, if the fan is paying the wages, its not the sporting ability or professionalism that governs the salary. It is the promise of irrational happiness and whilst this illusion exists, their wages will continue to be justified.

Interestingly, I think you could almost equate any monetary transactions as a trade for happiness (or at least future happiness). Why else would we pay 'overpay' for something if not for the assumption that everyone is chasing their own version of irrational happiness? Penny for you thoughts?

#Hanbaobao

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